How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
Randomize
