Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
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