Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
