Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
Randomize
