dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
Randomize
