My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
Randomize
