you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
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