The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
