Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
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