Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
Randomize