Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
Please, let me fuck your mom
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
