I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Randomize
