dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
Randomize
