God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
Randomize
