It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Randomize
