We tried having a conversation with our noses.
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
