I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Randomize