does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
Randomize
