i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
Randomize
