Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
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