Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
Randomize