I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
Randomize