I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
Randomize
