Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
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