three words: i give head
three words: not that well
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
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