i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
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