I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
Randomize
