you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
Randomize
