I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
Lo siento on account of my penis...
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
Randomize
