no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
Randomize