shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize