so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Randomize
