party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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