we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
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