At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
I checked into jail on foursquare
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
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