when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize
