i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Randomize
