I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
