Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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