i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
