I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
I am spending my child support on dildos
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
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