He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
