and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
Randomize
