Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
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