We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
you made out with another girl for some wings
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
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