she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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