Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
Randomize
