Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
Randomize
