I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
