why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
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