you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
Randomize
