I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
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