I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Randomize