she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Randomize
