But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
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