Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
Randomize