Since when is my name a synonym for head?
well most of my day revolves around power hour
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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