I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
Randomize
