i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
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