I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
Randomize
