New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
