My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
Randomize
