I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize
