Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
People in love make me want to vomit
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
Randomize
