I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
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Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
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