Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
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