Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
Randomize