I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
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