dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
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