Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
