My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
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