i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
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