i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
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