Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
Randomize
