i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
It's just like the Real World with babies
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
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