yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
Randomize
