**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Randomize