You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
Its like we are women, and boise state is a gangster rap song. This game is degrading
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
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