Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
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