The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
Found your dick twin last night
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Randomize
