You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
Randomize
