I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
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