I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
I'm too high and old for this...
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Randomize
