I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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