my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
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