THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
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