I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
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