Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
Buhtt sex?
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Randomize
