Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
Randomize
