Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
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