I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
Randomize
