It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
