Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
