If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Randomize
