You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
BRING THE BAGELS
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
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