Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
Randomize
